“We’ll invite all my friends,” my son says, referencing his birthday party. This summer. “I want chocolate cupcakes with vanilla icing.”

I silently do the math. “Yeah,” I reply, after a minute. “Maybe.”

These days, my days aren’t unlike anyone else’s. I imagine we all share something of a collective experience. A bizarre mix of the comfort of home, the anxiety lurking beyond our doors, and the inert lethargy that comes with being stuck somewhere between the two.

It appears the phrase “coronavirus good news” is a common search term on Google. But so are all the uncomfortable words, of course.

Every day I wake up and take stock, you know? Do I feel OK? Does anything feel off—sore throat, am I achy, do I feel rested as usual? I check the boxes, shower and make coffee. I’m one of the lucky ones, so far.

I’m aware of it. Daily. Sometimes by the minute. Weird, though, even so—the internal things that pandemics stir to the surface. Not that any of us would know, having never lived through one until now.

For example: Food. Eating. A schedule. Should there be one? Before this, I’d become quite dependent on routine. “X is when I do Y.” Question asked, question answered. Having experienced a years-long eating disorder over a decade ago, the sudden shift to an unending stretch of time has been shitty. When do I do what? If I’m hungry, should I eat? Tired, should I sleep? Some days, even the simplest things feel hard.

Then there’s exercise, my sanity-saver as it’s ever been. Days before the shelter-in-place took effect, I got on Craigslist and found a wholesale warehouse an hour away, selling everything from washing machines to washed-up treadmills. There I was that Saturday afternoon, in New Lenox, Illinois, loading a black-and-yellow spin bike into my car. Larry the Lemond and I spend 45 minutes together daily, every day since quarantine.

These are the silly things. I’m lucky.

It’s a difficult thing, what we’re going through. Made a trillion times harder if you or someone you know is sick. But no matter how you dice it, things aren’t easy right now.

For those who stay lucky, things will get better. Normal life won’t be the same, probably for a long time. But we’ll go to the store. We’ll say hi to strangers three feet away. And we’ll buy eggs and sugar to make chocolate cupcakes with vanilla icing in the beautiful heat of summer.