I would like to compete in a physique show. Not because I have something to prove to the world, but because I operate more effectively and joyfully in my daily life with a concrete goal. The work keeps me focused, my head down.

I also just want to see: could I do it? Could I maintain a strict level of discipline for 12 weeks straight, no slips? Could I learn how to function with compromised energy while still performing at work, at home, in the gym? Am I capable? That’s what I want to know.

I won’t do it, though. Here’s why. In male physique shows, men get on stage in plain black Speedos and spray tans. They pose, they’re done. That’s it. In female physique shows, women don spray tans, bejeweled bikinis, loads of makeup, hair extensions, and perhaps the worst of it, clear acrylic high heels. They parade around stage in a set “routine.” They’re encouraged to exhibit “sass” and “attitude” for the judges. Hair flips, winks and other gestures of showmanship.

Why? Why do women’s shows devolve into a collegiate-grade beauty pageant? Why can’t I get on stage in a plain black bikini, barefoot? Why all the makeup? Why the fake hair? For the record, I’m fine with a spray tan because it serves a purpose, to play up muscle definition. But everything else—why? Why can’t I just be me, regular ol’ me?